Restraining order question

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johnkilo
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Restraining order question

Postby johnkilo » Sat May 03, 2014 4:45 pm

Here's an odd question for my F7 brethren... have any of you guys ever filed a restraining order?

If so, was it a huge ordeal/pain in the ass? Does it cost money? Do you need a lawyer?

I looked it up on my state's government site, but I only got general information, and I'm more interested in people's first hand experiences with it.

I know this is a weird question for the F7 forum, but I thought more people might see it than in the anarchy forum.

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Masato
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Postby Masato » Sun May 04, 2014 1:12 pm

Hey man

I have no experience with restraining orders in either direction

I am not sure how much faith I have in legal stuff to properly solve any sort of interpersonal disputes... I don't know the situation but I tend to think that getting the law and courts/lawyers involved etc can sometimes just make things worse/more complex. Real solutions don't come from a set of rules, they come with insight/time/love etc. (Or a really good assassin. That works too :))

Or who knows, maybe restraining orders can be a perfect solution sometimes? Every situation is so unique...

Is this your problem?:

Image

Feel free to discuss if you wish, we may not know about restraining orders but can certainly discuss about other possible avenues. We got a pretty mature bunch here I think.

Good luck man

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fungi
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Postby fungi » Sun May 04, 2014 2:33 pm

Holy frijole!!!

Johnny, is everything ok?
I don't have the expertise to give any advice. I'd think mayberry could help.

Anywho, good luck with whomever you're dealing.

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johnkilo
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Postby johnkilo » Sun May 04, 2014 3:16 pm

I was dating this girl up until a coupe weeks ago. Everything was going great, she even said a few days earlier things were going great. Then a couple days later she comes over and breaks it off.

A week after I get a not so nice, anonymous Facebook message telling me she was still involved with her ex-boyfriend. The person told me the guy's full name, and that he had been arrested before, and some other stuff.

This guy had been creeping around the entire few months I was with her. Leaving her cryptic text messages, leaving stuff outside her house like a big sign painted "I love you." Saying that he wasn't going to be able to live without her.
Then he pulled the desperation card of claiming he had some serious medical problem that might be fatal, which in my opinion was just ruse to get her to come back. Every post on this guy's facebook is a profession of love for her. 3 months after dating her he got her named tattooed down his forearm.

So I look up on Facebook to see if any of this was true. His profile picture shows him holding the woman's daughter and was uploaded earlier during a day that I was over there. I also googled the guy, and some of the first things that come up are police blotters about him getting arrested for harassment and for writing bad checks.

So I email her asking her if any of this is true, if she had been messing around with him and all of that. She didn't deny anything but only bitched me out for looking him up.

Fast forward maybe a day later, I'm walking down my street which I've lived on for 30 years, just minding my own business, listening to my Mp3 player, just trying to get some exercise. She happens to drive by and starts accusing me of trying to run into her and stuff. She lives 2 streets away from me, but I was walking in the opposite direction of her apartment, and minding my own business.

So a week goes by and then I start noticing that this Jeep has been going by rather frequently, and has slowed down while going in front of my house. I'm talking creeping by. Even pulled in the driveway a couple times. The first time it happened I thought it was someone who was lost and was just turning around. Then it happened again. When I looked up her ex I noticed he drove a Jeep. I wasn't going to make any accusations because all Jeeps look the same and there are a million of them around here.

So yesterday I'm coming back from downtown, getting something to eat. Just as I'm about to get to my driveway, I catch the dude red handed driving by my house, and I get a good look at him, and it's the ex boyfriend.

Now I'm not afraid for my personal safety or anything, I'm a fairly large guy and I can handle myself. I just don't want people fucking around my house or property, and I just don't want to be bothered. I don't want my tires slashed or something like that, and I don't want my house vandalized or anything, obviously. To be honest... not to sound cliche, but I'm a nice, caring person, and it hurts me when people do this kind of shit. I'm 30 years old, she's 36, and the crazy ex-boyfriend is 45/46. This is all high school level drama, and I never expected this kind of crap to happen now that I'm in my 30's, and they're even older than I am. I don't understand... I'm the person who got dumped, why do people feel the need to harass and rub it in to the person who got hurt? I never expected this kind of behavior from her, because I thought she was one of the nicest people I ever met.

So before I knew for sure it was him, I sent her a final email telling her that if she knew someone in a Jeep to knock this shit off, because if it kept happening I was going to go to the police. She threatened to get a restraining order on me if I contacted her again... which in my experience is what people say when they know they're in the wrong and they got caught.

Thing is, is that I hate cops and I would rather not deal with them or any of this bullshit if I don't have to, but I really don't want to have to tolerate this crap for months. Cops only seem to make things worse for me, even when I'm the one who called them on someone else. Now she's making it a point to slow down while she goes by my house.

All this stress has made my Lyme disease return, my blood pressure has been high, and I have some other health stuff going on now too. Not to get too personal, but I already have issues with anxiety and depression. I just want to be left alone and move on with my life.

Thing is, is something similar happened to me 10 years ago. Girl I had dated for 2 years cheated on me and left me for a guy who lived a street away. After she left me, they went out of their way to harass me. They'd drive by my house and blare the horn, make a scene if they saw me in public, and they would come into my job just to harass me.

Sorry for the novel. If you guy's have any suggestions on how I can deal with the situation, feel free to post them. Thanks.

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Luigi
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Postby Luigi » Sun May 04, 2014 4:38 pm

Make sure you have a good home security system first and foremost. If the people come at predictable times you could just watch to make sure they dont vandalize your property. If they did you could video tape it and get them arrested. If you have a garage make sure you always park your car in it. You could also install a security camera and put one of those "smile, your on camera" signs on your house. Or you could just put one of those signs as a bluff.
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johnkilo
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Postby johnkilo » Sun May 04, 2014 4:46 pm

Unfortunately because I've been sick so long money is really tight. We don't have money for a security system. We have a garage but it is filled with metal fabrication machines, and our 1928 Ford. I think the best we can really do is lock our doors.

I do have an HD camcorder and a good DSLR camera, so if they ever do come in the yard, I can take video or pictures of them. Though, if he does set foot in my yard, the gloves are probably coming off at that point, but I'd really rather avoid all of this and just move on with my life.

Pisses me off we even have to be worrying about this stuff.

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Masato
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Postby Masato » Sun May 04, 2014 5:19 pm

johnkilo, thanks for sharing man. Tough situation!

- What are the odds of just making peace with these people? Invite him/them for a beer or something.

I find sometimes when unhappy people are given an honest option/window of civility and respect, they tend to take it, at least to a point. If YOU can be cool about things and show compassion for these people as fellow struggling human beings, sometimes they can feel it and embrace the opportunity. Sometimes people haven't had that for so long it is a refreshing change and can bring the best out in people. I've seen a few really gnarly brutes just chill out into kittens once they realize they don't have to keep their guard up. I've just been continuously surprised how many difficult situations I've seen just completely deflate as soon as one person shows real peace.

Then again, other people are just plain unreasonable and too angry to even know how to do this. I just prefer to try, at least once.

Also just a long shot... if a similar situation has happened before, maybe its some karmic thing? Like a repeating situation that is there to help you learn something about yourself that may have nothing to do with these people? I like to pay attention to patterns...

Thoughts are with you man... much peace/insight to you bro

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Joe Mama
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Postby Joe Mama » Sun May 04, 2014 7:11 pm

Go to your local courthouse and have the magistrate draw up a restraining order.

(Or at least you have to go to the courthouse)
Good luck!

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johnkilo
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Postby johnkilo » Sun May 04, 2014 8:16 pm

I already tried to end it peacefully. I told the girl I was seeing if she didn't want to have contact anymore if we could meet up in person for a few minutes and say a brief, friendly goodbye and exchange our belongings. I said I would like to end things the "right way," since everything seemed to go so well up until that one day. I thought that would be the mature thing to do.

Anyways, she rejected that idea and just became more and more cold.

I asked as politely but firmly to please tell the person who is in the Jeep to stop creeping by my house, and I got a nasty reply to that as well.

All of this seemed really uncharacteristic of her which left me feeling really confused, but then once I realized the wacko ex was back in the picture it made more sense. Seems like every girl I meet that ditches me for someone else gets influenced or straight up brainwashed by the next dude, and they stop acting like the person I knew.

Sorry to be airing my personal business on here, but I don't have too many buddies, so I have to seek advice elsewhere, like here.

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Masato
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Postby Masato » Sun May 04, 2014 10:07 pm

^ we are here for you man!!

Whether someone has buddies or not, there is a strange anonymous comfort in a good forum... a way to share things and sides of ourselves not always possible in the real world. I have enjoyed forums for many reasons over the years, its part of what I hope to build here, a safe place to discuss any ideas.

Your situation is indeed very complex johnkilo, I have no answers but to look deep within and be brave to accept whatever truths you find.

Human relationships can be so weird, I sincerely hope you can find peace soon.
(beware when egos are at stake!)

I can't imagine they would think it worth their time to keep bothering you forever... if you don't push any more buttons and just stay away from them/offer little to no response, you'd think eventually they would just stop and move on, no? reversely, I'm guessing any 'return fire' you give no matter how small is likely to escalate from them tenfold.

How long do you think you might have to just wait it out?

Good luck bro


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